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Understanding how children's brains develop can assist their caregiver(s) in understanding how to help their child's brain develop healthily and in creating reasonable expectations for their child.
Do you ever find yourself talking to your toddler using logic or expecting your child to be able to regulate their own emotions or exhibit self-control? I know I have! But once you understand the brain science of how their brains develop (it takes a long time!!), you begin to understand that their brains are not ready for that. Which can then help in choosing parenting strategies that will actually work with your child's brain development.
A few weeks ago, my little one was playing with the baby gate (which he can open, lock, and unlock at this point). I was trying to make dinner and was encouraging him to go play with something else, but was also not giving him my full attention. His finger got pinched in the gate, and I said to him, "I told you to stop playing with the gate, if you had stopped your finger would not have been pinched." He is two. This is not helpful, it is not needed for him to learn, and his brain does not understand logic at this point.
I have had the opportunity to take the 12-week parenting course with the Jai Institute. (Not an ad, just something I have been doing and have found helpful.) In this course, they teach parents about brain science (among many other things) and I realized that my response to my little one is not producing the outcome I want because his brain is not ready to understand my response AND it is not what he needs in that moment. Learning about brain development in that course inspired me to take a bit of a deeper dive and write this post. By understanding even basic brain science, I have learned how to better respond as a parent. Though I still make a lot of mistakes in this area!
So of course my two-year-old has played with the gate since then, with the same result. Only I remembered to respond in a more helpful way. Find out more later in this post! 😊
Important note: I am not a doctor or trained in medicine. I have researched this information because I am interested in the subject. If you have any medical concerns, please talk to your child's doctor.
The Importance of Brain Development in Early Childhood
Your child's brain development is 90% complete by age 5. After age 5 brain development slows significantly. So the first few years are critical to healthy brain development.
At least one million new neural connections (synapses) are made every second, more than at any other time in life.
According to Harvard's Center on the Developing Child, a child's experiences shape their brain development. If a child is not living in a safe, nurturing, and responsive environment their brains do not develop in the same way, and this can lead to disparities in learning and behavior. This means that as parents and caregivers, we have an awesome responsibility to provide an environment conducive to our child's development. (No pressure or anything!)
The brain develops from the bottom up and builds on earlier development and learning. So as your child grows, they are developing more and more connections and those connections link in more complex ways as they are developing. The connections children develop when they are very young lead to the connections that allow for higher-level skills and abilities like emotional regulation, motivation, problem-solving and critical thinking, communication, and building healthy relationships.
Connections in your child's brain are built through their interactions with their environment and their experiences. Connections are built through positive interactions with parents and caregivers. These experiences and interactions determine which connections develop and which will last. Through positive interactions and experiences, our children are more likely to be healthy and successful later in life. Sadly, the opposite is also true. Unfortunately, often parenting styles are learned from parents, so it is important to be aware of parenting styles and intentional in choosing how to parent.
If you would like to print the above infographic, click below.
Brain Development Stages
When I first started relearning about brain development for children with the Jai Institute course, it made me reevaluate some of my expectations for my little one. It has made me more understanding of my child's behaviors because his brain has not developed all of the abilities that control behavior. Learning about it in the 12-week parenting course, encourage me to look a bit deeper. So I created this table below to share what the five lobes of the brain do and why it is important to me as a parent.
Important note: I am not a doctor or trained in medicine. I have researched this information because I am interested in the subject. If you have any medical concerns, please talk to your child's doctor.
​What does this part of the brain do? | When does this part of the brain develop? * Every child is unique so there is not a specific age of development, just a rough approximation | Why is this important? | |
Cerebellum (Lower Brain) | ​Balance, coordination, attention, rhythm | ​By Age 3 | In the first years of life, your child's physical abilities are rapidly developing. Provide plenty of safe opportunities for play and movement. |
​Occipital Lobes (Lower) | Processes visual signals, spatial awareness, processes colors, distance and depth perception | By Age 3 | Early in your child's development, they are still working on developing spatial awareness, depth perception, and understanding their environment. Be sure to keep a close eye on them for safety and provide a safe space for play and exploration to help them develop these abilities. |
​Temporal Lobes (Middle Brain) | Object and facial recognition, memory, language, emotions, senses | ​Ages 7 - 12 | ​Your child's language is developing rapidly, but it will take time before they fully understand everything. Your child will have a lot of emotions, but they do not have the ability to regulate their emotions until this part of their brain is more developed. This means that they will need you to help them co-regulate and teach them how to regulate for when their brain does develop (build those brain connections and eventually they will be able to do it on their own!) |
​Parietal Lobes (Middle Brain) | Self-perception, sensory information, learned movements, spatial awareness | Ages 7 - 12 | ​Your child is still developing spatial awareness, so they may bump into things or fall down. They are still developing their ability to process sensory information. They may have difficulty fully controlling movements. And they are still developing their language and number sense. |
Frontal Lobes (Front Brain) | Reasoning, social understanding, self-control, attention-span, memory | By Age 25 | It is important to know that our children do not fully develop their ability to reason, control themselves, or social understanding until they are well into adulthood because we often expect them to be able to do these things from a very young age. Personally, I find knowing this information helpful in managing my expectations for my little one. He is not going to fully understand logic for a long time. He may have difficulty controlling his impulses for a long time. While he will get better and better at this, he will need me to guide him to help develop these skills. |
The Lower Brain
The lower brain is the first part of the brain to develop, developing by around age 3. When babies are born as they begin to experience their world, form connections with their caregivers, and have the ability to move they are developing the lower parts of the brain. These early neural connections are building the foundation for more complex development.
The first neural connections to form are those that affect basic vision and hearing and gross motor function. Then the connections for early language develop, followed by higher cognitive functions.
Because the brain develops in layers, the early connections form the foundation for later connections. More complex development is building off of the foundation formed in the first years of life. Early in life children have a huge capacity for learning, and as they get older and develop into adults it becomes harder to influence the connections in their brain. This is why the experiences children have early in life are critically important.
While the lower brain is developing:
Your child may not be able to follow verbal cues, particularly when they are stressed or feeling big emotions
Your child has very little impulse control and so cannot resist if they have a desire to do something (even if they know it is not allowed)
They are fully dependent on their grown-ups for co-regulation to help calm down
The Middle Brain
The middle brain is developing usually between ages 7 to 12. During this time your child is learning how to process and understand their emotions and feelings. And their belief system is being formed based on their life experiences. Their interactions with family and friends will help shape their personality.
Your child is becoming more independent and learning more about their place in the world. During this time they will be more aware of the world around them and other people. Friendships become more important and they desire to be liked and accepted. Their cognitive skills are developing rapidly during this time.
While the middle brain is developing:
Your child may not be able to regulate their emotions without co-regulation, especially when stressed
Your child requires guidance and modeling to continue developing their impulse control and their ability to regulate emotions
Your child is still learning how to share and develop relationships with their peers, but friendships are becoming more important
Your child needs guidance and a good role model to show them how to be a person
Is still mostly focused on themselves, but during this time begin to show more concern for others
The Front of the Brain
This part of the brain doesn't even begin to develop until ages 7 - 12 and continues to develop well into adulthood. During adolescence and puberty, our children's brains experience rapid development as the front of their brain begins to develop.
Your child is becoming even more independent. Friendships and peer relationships become more important during this time and can have a stronger influence (peer pressure). They may become more aware of their body and sometimes body image issues develop around this time.
The development of the prefrontal cortex means your child is going to start being more aware of others. This is when they start to see how their actions affect others, can begin to understand another person's point of view, and develop empathy for others.
While the prefrontal cortex is developing
Your child is beginning to follow directions as they begin to understand what you want/need and what they want
Your child is beginning to be able to follow multi-step directions
Your child starts to understand hypotheticals and abstract thinking
the ability to feel empathy and understand how their actions affect others forms
They are beginning to develop impulse control
Their personality, opinions, understanding of right and wrong, and worldview is continuing to develop
Need your guidance and modeling as they learn how to be adults, be sure to spend time with your child whenever possible
How do I help my child's brain develop?
So now that we know all of this awesome information about the brain, how do we help our children? Michigan State has an awesome resource about this and it includes additional resources (if you are interested).
Manage your expectations for your child
Your child will not always make good decisions, remain calm, or consider people's feelings. Their brain is developing! Be calm and consistently model the behaviors you want them to show - they will eventually learn it from watching you! (Be patient! This takes a long time.)
Help your child's brain develop connections
Provide a loving, nurturing, and safe environment. Provide many opportunities for connections between you and your child, it is good for them to form a secure attachment with you. Provide plenty of opportunities for safe play and exploration. Engage with your child regularly through talking, singing, reading, and playing.
Learn to recognize when your child(ren) is experiencing emotional distress
When your child feels strong emotions, this may block their ability to be able to access other parts of their brain. Stay calm and try to help them co-regulate. It may take time to find what works for your individual child to help them become regulated. Keep trying different things to find what works so you can help co-regulate.
Remember that emotions are normal and good
Your child will feel many emotions and that is a good thing. It is important to let them feel their emotions and help them process their feelings. Learning this is a child will help them deal with and process emotions as an adult! You can teach them to "name it to tame it." Encourage them to name their feelings, "I wonder if you are feeling angry." This will help them in calming down and able to access other parts of their brain.
Model the behaviors and characteristics you want for your child(ren)
Children learn from the important adults in their lives. Use mindfulness strategies to strengthen your parenting and to help your children learn how to be mindful. Show them how you regulate your emotions. Let them see you apologize, show empathy, and be a part of healthy relationships. They will see you and follow your example.
Summary
The first few years of your child's life are critical to brain development, with 90% of brain development occurring before age 5. Positive, safe, and nurturing environments and experiences are the foundation for healthy development for young children. As parents, we want to make sure our children are forming secure attachments and have a healthy environment to grow in.
Having an understanding of brain development in children can help us in managing our expectations for our children. It is important to be aware of what their abilities are and what abilities have not yet developed. This can help us in creating a warm and nurturing environment conducive to healthy development for kids.
I personally have found that understanding brain development has made me rethink my expectations for my little one. I am not perfect, I still find myself asking things beyond his development sometimes. But I have gotten better and continue to practice!
So the next time he was playing with the gate and got his finger caught in the gate, I started by asking him if he was okay. I believe this made him feel understood (my mama understand my finger was hurt). I also have found with my son that when he feels understood, he moves on pretty quickly. Once I acknowledged his feelings, he said he was okay and started playing with something else. I chose not to tell him that is why we don't play with the gate because I trust he learned that through his finger being hurt (even if it takes several times to learn). And the next time he plays with the gate, I can gently remind him from the jump that our fingers can get caught in the gate and make them hurt.
That was just one very minor example. But I feel learning more about brain development has been super helpful to me and my parenting. I know it has made me feel like I understand him more. I hope you can use this information to your advantage as well!
Remember Mama, you are doing a great job! You got this!
Sources & Resources:
Cleveland Clinic - The Frontal Lobe
Cleveland Clinic - The Parietal Lobe
Cleveland Clinic - The Temporal Lobe
Cleveland Clinic - The Occipital Lobe
Cleveland Clinic - The Cerebellum
Integrated Learning Strategies - Brain Hierarchy
First Things First - Brain Development
Harvard's Center on the Developing Child - Brain Architecture
Caring for Kids - Supporting Healthy Development
California Department of Education - Ages & Stages of Development
Jai Institute for Parenting - 12-Week Course
Michigan State University - Understanding the Brain