top of page
Search
    • Aug 13, 2023
    • 11 min read

15 Positive Parenting Tips

Updated: Sep 13, 2023


Positive parenting is a proven parenting method for healthy child development and there are a number of positive parenting techniques you can use with your kids to encourage healthy development.

As my son continues to get deeper into his toddler years, I have found parenting becomes more than just making sure he is loved, fed, sleeping, etc. Now that he is starting to learn boundaries and explore who he is and our family values I realized that my parenting style needed to be more formed. So I started reading and researching about parenting models. The CDC recommends using Positive Parenting and so it seemed to me to be a safe choice. As I have learned more about it, I have found the reason it is recommended to use positive parenting is because research has proven it to nurture brain development in children.


I believe that understanding positive parenting is essential for all parents. However, I think it is especially important for parents who were parented in a less-than-ideal matter. It can be second nature to use the parenting style that we were parented with. However, for many, there is a better way. It is also important to acknowledge that just because we may choose to parent differently from our parents, does not mean that our parents were not doing the best they could or that they didn't love us. In recent decades more and more information has been found that can help us all improve our parenting. When you know better, you can do better.


What is Positive Parenting?


Positive parenting is an approach that focuses on nurturing a child's emotional well-being while fostering a strong and loving parent-child bond. Positive parenting is essential to healthy brain development in children. Utilizing positive parenting promotes healthy brain connections, which leads to more confidence, independence, empathy, and joy.


Positive parenting involves acknowledging your child's emotions and needs to build a foundation of trust and connection with your child. It also involves setting developmentally appropriate boundaries and expectations and encouraging positive behaviors to teach children desired behaviors.


  • is nurturing, caring, and empathetic.

  • provides safety (physical and emotional).

  • encourages social and emotional skills.

  • encourages autonomy.

  • encourages decision-making skills.

  • encourages emotional expression.

  • encourages emotional regulation.

  • sets clear rules, expectations, and consequences.

  • does not condone physical punishment (can have negative effects on development).

  • emphasizes a strong bond and connection between parent and child.

  • emphasizes meeting the developmental needs of children.

  • requires consistency


Why use Positive Parenting?


Positive parenting is backed by research. Researchers have found that children whose parents utilize positive parenting:

  • are more successful in school.

  • have fewer behavior problems.

  • have better mental health.

  • have better relationships.

  • have more control over emotions and cognition during their teen years.

  • have better job prospects.

  • have healthier brain development.

It is also great for parents because it increased parent's confidence and reduces stress.


So using positive parenting is a win-win. However, it does take practice. For many people, parenting habits come from the way they were parented. With practice, patience, and persistence, consistently using positive parenting can transform the way you parent and your relationship with your child. It can make your family stronger, healthier, and happier. It can also make you feel better about your parenting and more confident in your parenting decisions.


Looking to transform your parenting? Check out Persistent Mama's 2024 Positive Parenting Planner for a positive parenting challenge each month!


Positive Parenting Tips:


So you may know you want to try positive parenting, but where do you start? Educating yourself on positive parenting strategies and child development (so you know what is developmentally appropriate for your child) is a great starting point.


Some other helpful tips to help you get started:


1. Practice regulating your own emotions


Part of positive parenting is staying calm so you can lend your calm to your child. This takes a fair bit of practice but is necessary to teach children how to regulate their own emotions and to make them feel safe.


Before parents can teach children how to regulate their emotions, we have to learn how to regulate our own. Tips on learning to regulate emotions:

  • Reflect on what triggers you so you can be aware in those situations

  • Examine how you feel physically when your emotions start ramping up

  • Explore what strategies work to help you calm down

  • Pause before reacting when feeling strong emotions

  • Name how you are feeling

  • Let yourself feel emotions (in a healthy/safe way)

  • Practice calming strategies when calm so you can access them when dysregulated

  • Be patient with yourself - this skill takes A LOT of practice, and no one is ever going to be perfect all of the time

  • Use apologies and repair for those less-than-perfect moments when you react poorly and remember this teaches our children that we don't expect perfection and how to apologize and repair in their own lives

2. Set developmentally appropriate expectations and boundaries


Understanding what is developmentally appropriate for children helps set reasonable expectations. It can be easy to fuss at a toddler who is doing something they have already been told not to do. However, it is important to know that toddlers have no impulse control because that part of their brain has not been developed yet. So they need a lot of gentle reminders and redirection when they are acting on those impulses.


Also, sometimes we expect more from our children than we do from adults. For example, we often expect children to be in a decent mood all of the time. However, as adults we have bad days, we get grumpy, and we show it. So it is important to keep in mind that our children are people and we need to show them empathy and understanding.


3. Use clear and simple directions so your child can understand


Using simple, clear, and brief directions are a recipe for success when directing young children.


I am completely guilty of going into a detailed explanation to my son about my reasons for some boundary or expectation. However, often keeping it simple is better because he can easily understand and communicate regarding those directions.


Other tips:

  • Make sure you have your child's attention

  • Have your child repeat the direction back to you

  • Give one direction at a time

  • Avoid asking your child something you want/need them to do (this makes it seem like they have an option --- BUT it is so hard to break this habit!)

  • Use a neutral tone

  • Be kind and respectful

  • Give limited approved choices when possible

  • Use specific praise when your child follows directions

  • Provide logical consequences (and follow through on them) when they do not follow directions

  • Model good listening

4. Hold firm, but stay kind, when enforcing boundaries


An important piece of what makes positive parenting effective is enforcing boundaries. First work with other parents and caregivers to determine your family values and the boundaries you plan to enforce for your family and home. Be sure everyone is on the same page so you can maintain consistency. Then determine how you can maintain these boundaries and set everyone up for success.


How is a boundary different from a rule? In short, while boundaries and rules are similar, a boundary is different in that you create an environment that enables your child to follow it within the confines of their developmental abilities.


For example, if one of your boundaries is that your children do not play with breakable items, then be sure to make those breakables inaccessible until your child is able to understand and resist the impulse to touch those items.


When you have boundaries in place it is vital that you stay firm on those boundaries. Tips for holding boundaries:

  • Clearly communicate boundaries

  • Use specific praise when they are respecting boundaries

  • Use neutral tones

  • Be respectful

  • Respect your child's boundaries in return

  • When your child is not respecting the boundary

    • Remind them of the boundary

    • Redirect to something else

    • Stay calm and neutral toned

    • Use logical consequences and follow through on them consistently (note: this is not a punishment)

5. Be consistent


Consistency is essential in positive parenting. Consistency enables children to know what to expect, which allows them to feel safe and secure. Consistent routines and expectations are vital so kids know what to expect from day to day. This is also important so children can learn your boundaries and limits. For example: if they know that having a tantrum will not get them what they want because you have consistently held this boundary, they are unlikely to continue throwing them long term.


6. Spend quality time playing with your child to build connection


Children crave connection and secure relationships with their parents and caregivers. Try starting a special playtime that you build into your daily routine. Start with even just five minutes a day. Research shows that even five minutes of special playtime can improve behaviors in children.


Tips for special playtime:

  • Give your child your full attention

  • During this time use active listening skills

  • Use specific praise

  • Be consistent - prioritize this time every day at a specific time

  • Let your child lead the play

  • Imitate what your child is doing (especially play/words/actions you want them to use more)

  • Commentate (like a sports commentator) what your child is doing

  • Show you are excited about this time with your child

  • Reflect your child's words/emotions

  • Limit questions and directions

  • Limit criticism

  • Ignore minor negative behaviors (stop dangerous/destructive behaviors)

  • Have fun!

7. Give your child limited choices when possible (to give them power and autonomy)


Giving your child limited choices is a great strategy to help reduce power struggles. For younger children, those choices should be extremely limited, but you can increase the amount/importance of the choices as your children get older and can have increased responsibility.


Tips for offering limited choices:

  • All options should be acceptable to parents/caregivers

  • Follow the options with "you decide"

  • If they ask for something that was not a given choice, you can agree to it if you find it acceptable, but if you do not, say "that was not one of the choices."

  • Be careful not to provide too many choices, which can overwhelming


8. Remember every undesirable behavior is because of an unmet need, so get curious about the reasons behind behaviors.


All behavior is children trying to fulfill a need. So next time your child is behaving in a way you find undesirable, before reacting try to think about what needs they are trying to meet. Then you may be able to fulfill that need and change their behavior in a beneficial and positive way. There are seven basic needs that kids need to be fulfilled:

  1. Survival / Safety / Security

  2. Unconditional Love / Belonging / Authenticity

  3. Attention / Affection / Appreciation

  4. Emotional Attunement / Empathy

  5. Power / Empowerment

  6. Freedom / Autonomy / Independence

  7. Fun / Play


9. Show affection for your child


Research shows that parental affection has a number of significant long-term benefits for children. So give your kids lots of affection and attention. As infants be sure they get a lot of skin-to-skin contact. As they get older, build hugging into your daily routine. Show them they are loved unconditionally by even giving them a hug when correcting undesired behaviors, such as after talking to them about why the behavior is not appropriate. Give them lots of affection, but respect their boundaries too (which will change as they go through different phases of growing up).


Benefits of showing affection:

  • increased lifelong happiness

  • reduced stress and anxiety

  • increased wellness

  • more positive social interactions

  • increased compassion

10. Be empathetic and understanding


While it is developmentally appropriate for young children to mostly be focused on themselves, it is an important time for them to begin to develop a sense of empathy. Our children learn from us, so by showing them empathy, they will start to develop empathy. This is the best way to teach empathy, by modeling it! Additionally, by showing our children empathy and understanding, they will feel seen, heard, and understood.


Benefits of teaching children empathy:

  • Helps kids build better relationships

  • Encourages kids to show acceptance

  • Promotes mental wellbeing

  • People with more empathy are more successful both personally and professionally

  • Increases happiness

  • Decreases stress


11. Show an interest in your child


There are a number of significant benefits that come when parents take a genuine interest in their children. By showing a sincere interest, you are increasing your bond with your child, which is great for your child's brain development. In taking an interest, you are increasing self-esteem, making them feel safe and loved, increasing social and academic success,and learning more about them as a person.


  • Give them your full attention

  • Ask open-ended questions

  • Play with them

  • Take an interest in what they are interested in

  • Create special family routines/rituals

  • Make time, especially for your child


12. Teach your child strategies for working through emotions and practice when emotionally regulated


Young children are completely dependent on caregivers to help them regulate their emotions. They cannot developmentally self-regulate until sometime between 7 and 12 (or beyond depending on their environment). So when they are young, it is important to teach them strategies to help them calm down when working through big emotions. Have them practice these strategies when calm so they will be more able to access them when upset. (Do not expect them to be able to access these strategies when upset without significant practice.)


Ideas for calm-down strategies (there are way more out there, you may have to try a few things to find what works for your child).

  • Breathing exercises

  • Physical activity (in place)

  • Gargling

  • Counting

  • A hug

  • Having a cold drink

13. Let your child feel and express their emotions (while maintaining boundaries)


Many people were taught as children that only certain emotions are okay. However, research has shown that people who accept negative emotions actually feel less negative emotions. What does this mean? It is important to let your children feel their feelings, all of them. Teach them how to feel and express their emotions and work through them in a healthy way that maintains your family boundaries. (For example: It is okay to be angry, it is not okay to kick mommy.)


14. Validate your child's emotions


A helpful tool in letting your child feel their emotions is validating their emotions. Validating your child's emotions is a great way to show you understand them. It doesn't mean you agree with the emotion they are feeling, just showing you understand what they are feeling. In addition to making your child feel understood, it can help them with working through the emotion and regulating.


Tips for validating emotions:

  • Name the emotion (when you name it, you can tame it)

  • Listen (use active listening skills) to your child without judgment

  • Tell them you understand and state why

  • Be genuine

  • Remember their feelings are real to them

  • Try not to fix their problem so the emotion goes away (this is so hard!)


15. Encourage positive behaviors by using specific praise when they are displaying desired behaviors.


Using specific praise is way more beneficial in promoting desired behaviors than just a vague "good job!". When you see your child behaving in a way you find desirable, tell them exactly what they are doing that you like to see. This makes it more likely they will repeat that behavior. Ideally, you want to praise more than you correct behavior.


Three examples of using specific or labeled praise:

  1. Great job putting your toys away!

  2. I loved seeing you take turns with your truck.

  3. Thank you so much for putting your laundry in your laundry basket to keep your bedroom picked up and neat.

Using specific praise takes practice to get into the habit. But it makes a huge difference!



Embracing positive parenting is a powerful way to build a loving and nurturing family environment. By prioritizing empathy, clear communication, and positive reinforcement, parents can strengthen the parent-child bond while fostering emotional intelligence and resilience in their children. As we embrace positive parenting principles, we pave the way for our children to grow into confident, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent individuals.


More Resources and Sources:

2 views0 comments
bottom of page